My Top Ten for a Timeless “I Do”…

Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier III of Monaco

Jacquelyn B. Kennedy Onassis and John F. Kennedy on their wedding day

Queen Noor of Jordan, and King Hussein

Audrey Hepburn and Mel Ferrer

Princess Diana

Shirley Temple

Elizabeth Taylor and Conrad Hilton, Jr.

Holy cow, it’s been forever since I last posted. I thought this would be a slow summer, and it’s been everything but. So please, no judgment. And I swear not to make this a habit!

But, having just celebrated my first anniversary, I thought I might switch gears and focus for a few minutes on all of you brides-to-be. As a newlywed the excitement of such a monumental occasion is still fresh. Also, as I’m sure other twenty-something year olds are experiencing as well, I feel as though every single weekend for the past 2 years has been filled with bridal showers, engagement parties, and weddings.

Lately, as I’ve sat in the church pew beside my sweet husband, inhaling the lovely scent of lilies and basking in the melodious notes of Pachabel’s Canon in D, I’m realizing more and more how each wedding is a unique insight into the personal style of each bride and groom (and their families). However, in addition to each detail that makes your wedding “you”, there are certain standards that should be maintained during this celebration.

Amidst the flowers, favors, cake, band, vows, and your crazy uncle who doesn’t seem to understand that the funky chicken is NOT cool, despite your numerous pleads, it’s important to focus on an element that is often-times overlooked: you, and in many cases your family, are HOSTS.

It’s vital to keep that in perspective when planning your “dream day”, and to understand that some elements of a wedding celebration NEVER go out of style. Below are my top 10 most important tidbits of advice for a executing a timeless celebration:

10. Don’t share your guest list with everyone, especially if you have a back up list of guests to invite should people decline. Remember how you felt in 7th grade when your friend told you that you were her 2nd best friend?

9. If you live in a geographical location with weather extremes (i.e. when it’s 100 degrees and 90% humidity in the middle of August) don’t schedule an outdoor wedding. Remember the comfort of your guests and how sweating through a silk dress is just plain miserable.

8. Be tasteful with your music selections at both your ceremony and at the reception. Although your choice of music should be filled with your favorites (whether it’s a DJ, live band, or your friend who always has the best playlists on her iPod), there is never an appropriate time for vulgar or raunchy songs (despite your love for Sir Mix A lot). Just think: would my grandmother be comfortable listening to “I like big butts and I cannot lie…” I doubt it.

7. It’s completely acceptable to ask your wedding party to pay for their dresses, tuxedo rentals, and other costs incurred with participating in your “big day”.  But keep price tags in mind when making your selections; not only the article of clothing they’re expected to purchase, but also the amount of time and money spent to support and stand with you. Asking a bridesmaid to purchase a $400 dress (one which, let’s face it brides, they’ll NEVER wear again, regardless of what they tell you), may be a little bit over the top.

6. Children in the wedding party are always a precious and memorable addition. But please remember that kids should ADD to the event, not steal the show. It’s important to consider the age and “behavioral patterns” of the children in question. Asking your 3 ½ year-old niece who’s tantrum stage is still quite visible at every family function is probably not a safe choice if you want to avoid her standing on your train and pulling down your entire chignon that took 4 hours to complete. This just makes everyone uncomfortable (bride included).  However, if you feel that the "tantrum" child must be included to save the feelings of your sibling, it's perfectly acceptable ask for their help.  Perhaps you could suggest that the little one make their grand entrance and then sit with their family during the remainder of the ceremony.

5. The time of day for your wedding reception should determine the type of food you serve. If you schedule your wedding ceremony around dinner time, you’re expected to provide food. If you want to forgo the cost of heavy hors d’eouvres, a buffet, or seated dinner, be sure the ceremony and reception are scheduled to allow guests to dine either before or after your event. No one enjoys hearing a stomach growl during the exchange of rings.

4. Photographers and videographers should capture memories, not create them. There’s nothing worse than being a guest at a ceremony or a reception where the photographer or videographer is attracting more attention than the bride and groom. Be sure to have a firm discussion with your vendors about what is expected, especially that the photographer/videographer should refrain from running up and down the aisles, trapezing through trees, and balancing on beams to get the “perfect” shot.

3. A cash bar is NEVER acceptable (nor is BYOB). If you can’t afford beer, wine, liquor, etc., don’t serve it. It’s as simple as that.

2. Assigned seating should only be used at a seated dinner (where courses are served to you at your chair) and open seating applies to buffet receptions. For seated dinners, it’s imperative that you provide an escort card indicating which guests are seated at which table, and remember to leave a few open seats for last minute additions. It’s much better to have a table with one empty chair than to be forced to seat someone at an empty table, or worse, explain that you don’t have a seat. Be thoughtful about seating your guests. Seating your young, single, sorority sister with your Dad’s business partner (who happens to be recently separated and back from rehab) is probably not the best way to interject fun into a situation.

1. Be thankful! Remember to look around and see all of the people who love and encourage you, and don’t forget to take some time to express how much their support means to you!

I'm all googly eyed over.....

I'm head over heels for Kelly Wearstler's new line of fine china from Pickard.  It's so eclectic, and with such a heavy emphasis on design, it transports you through the decades where art deco reigned supreme (plus, a shout out to the great 1980s as well).  I just love it!!

"Mulholland"

Inspired by modern art, Mulholland is a graphic pattern that mixes well with the more decorative patterns to create a vibrant and unique place setting.  I totally see bright pin lights in this pattern!

"Hillcrest"

At once modern and timeless, Hillcrest is a unique pattern evocative of sea anemones and the stylized florals of the 1920’s. The delicate linework and graceful forms are rendered in a soft metallic gold.  I love this mix between the sea and land.  What a great option for both a relaxing beach house and a chic apartment in Manhattan (or in my case, Dallas)!

"Pickfair"

I love this one!  It's totally out of my usual taste bracket, but it's reminiscent of southwestern rugs from the early 80s.  Plus, it's designed to mixed with other pieces in her collection.

 Trousdale

How perfect would this be for a "night under the stars" dinner party, a Great Gatsby costume gala, or a graduation luncheon?  It just reeks of celebration!  Trousdale was inspired by the delicate lacquer work of the Art Deco movement and the minimalism of Japanese art. A subtle gradation of gold dots delicately decorates this pattern, which is set in a palette of metallic gold and ivory.

LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!  Off to dinner now where I plan to imagine that I'm eating off of this dinnerware.  Happy Tuesday!

Know Your Place!

The people make the party.  So, you're at a swanky dinner party, and headed for the dining room after cocktails hoping that Mr. Smacky MacGross isn't seated to your right, and that you're not forced to think of any and all conceivable questions to direct toward Mr. Are You Capable of Leaving Your Finger Out of Your Nose While You Eat, while desparately trying not to let the soup drizzle out of your shock-and-awe gaping-open mouth.

Thankfully, you head toward table 6, take your seat, and find that you have a lot in common with both gentlemen seated at your side.  Success! 

Seating at a dinner party (or luncheon or breakfast) can make or break the atmosphere for your event, and can either make your guests feel welcomed and special, or leave them with a bad taste in their mouths (and no, not from the lobster bisque).  One way to indulge your guests is to leave them dazzled by your extraordinary good taste and selection of place cards.

Simply put, place cards are small cards (or other items) at guests' place settings on which their name is written, indicating their seat at the table.  Keep in mind that place cards are used, traditionally, only at seated (where wait staff provides service) events.

Place cards can add such a beautiful touch of formality and tradition to any event, whether it's an elaborate wedding or a family-cooked Thanksgiving dinner.  It eludes preparedness and thoughtfulness, signaling to your guests that their presence is special, that you took time to think ahead and decide with whom they might enjoy visiting.

The same rules apply to writing names on place cards as with invitations (see my previous blog entry on addressing invitations), except that each person is given a separate card and only their LAST name with their corresponding title should be listed:

Miss Adorable
Mrs. Gorgeous
Mr. Gorgeous
Master Cute
Ms. Pretty

Place cards can be displayed on your table in various ways, but the most important element of proper seating is to make sure your guests' names are spelled correctly and legible!  Nothing spells out "in a hurry" or "last minute addition" more than leaving out that extra "e" or forgetting that your previously married friend, Mrs. Jones, should now be referred to as "Ms. Jones" in light of her recent divorce.  If you're not sure, DOUBLE CHECK!

There are all types of options when choosing place cards, from sophisticated, hand-written calligraphy on heavy weight, pre-cut card stock to chic printing on a Microsoft/Avery template.  Here are a few of my favorite options:

Aspen Letterpress Cards from Dingbat Press

Crane & Co. Fleur des Lis Die Cut Place Card

Cupcake Letterpress Place Cards by Missive

(oooh how I want everything in this etsy shop!)

 Classic Ecruwhite Folded Place Cards by Crane & Co.

Ornate Frame Mini-Flat Cards by Missive

(I LOVE THESE!  I use them all the time for our events, especially ladies' luncheons!)

Gold Bordered Ecru Flat Place Cards by Crane & Co

(This is a timeless choice.  It's sophisticated and formal, yet can be used both during the day and at night.  Also comes in white with silver border.)

Snowflake Place Cards by Dingbat Press

(Can't you just imagine this during the holidays adorning a gold and forrest green covered table, placed in pine cone, flanked by holly and smells of cinnamon?  Hurry up, December!)

Now, let's be honest.  Few of us have the time, nor the means, to have these gorgeous place cards hand-calligraphed each time.  Well, my friends, time for something I like to call Printinnovation (in other words, you're in a pickle - better figure out something fast!).  Go to your local Office Depot or Staples and pick up a pack of the Avery Two-Side Printable Clean Edge Business Cards (in either white or ecru).  Open up the corresponding template in Microsoft Word (5876), type in your guests' names using whatever font and color best suites the event, and presto!  You have yourself some beautiful place cards!  I keep a couple of these on hand in both colors in case of emergencies! 

 

HAPPY TUESDAY!

Printing Princess

Please forgive me for my lack of posts over the past week, but I'm finally back, and with time to spare (sort of)!  (Time is such a wonderful gift, don't you think?)

Speaking of time....date and time for event set, check.  Venue reserved, check.  Guest list finished, check.  Invitation card stock ordered, check.  Print type chosen....whoa, wait.  Huh?

I remember sitting at the table in the invitations store, flipping through sample books, and coming to the realization that I really have NO idea about what makes each printing type different.  Furthermore, I kept asking myself, "Will anyone notice if I choose the cheapest option?"  And the answer is, dear reader, that yes, most paper and printing snobs will definitely be able to differentiate between the Big Four: engraving, themography, letterpress, and offset printing.  But in reality, how many of us even know a paper snob (or furthermore care about impressing them), but instead would rather just be able to make an educated decision the next time they design their soiree's invitation? Me me me me!!

So, here's an explanation of the various options that are most commonly offered in the world of printing:

Engraving: The most classic and formal method of printing using an etched steel die to create the engraved text. A design (or text) is etched into a metal or copper plate (creating a die), and then ink is then applied to it so the cavities of the etching are filled.  The die is then wiped clean leaving the design (or text) filled with ink. A hard plastic or paper counter is pressed into the backside of the paper, causing the paper to fill into the crevices of the die (which are filled with ink). 

This entire process was incredibly confusing to me at first, so here are a couple of analogies: The die is NOT pressed into the paper, like a cookie cutter presses [die] into cookie dough [paper]; rather the paper is pressed into the die from behind , like putting your hand [paper] into a Pin Point Needle Impression toy [die].)  Letters will appear slightly raised on the page, and an indentation typically forms on the back of the paper from the pressure of the engraving plate. 

Interestingly enough, engraving is so precise that its most common use today is to print bank notes.  Because of the high level of microscopic detail that can be achieved by a master engraver, counterfeiting of engraved designs is almost impossible, and modern banknotes are almost always engraved, as are plates for printing money, checks, bonds and other security-sensitive papers. The engraving is so fine that a normal printer cannot recreate the detail of hand engraved images, nor can it be scanned. In the U.S. Bureau of Engraving and Printing, more than one hand engraver will work on the same plate, making it nearly impossible for one person to duplicate all the engraving on a particular banknote or document.

An example of an engraved invitation.  The White House calligraphers write the invitation by hand and create a template.  Then, the design is uploaded into their computer and sent to the printers to create an engraving plate.   Beautiful!

(I actually worked on this event...I was 3 feet away from the Queen of England! 

And oh, how I envied her crown!)

courtesy of the New York Times

An engraving plate

courtesy of wikimedia

A master engraver etching the design for a British bank note.

courtesy of capitalof london.com

Thermography: A very popular “alternative” to engraving that is significantly less expensive.  The lettering is raised to mimic the feel of engraving, but it is done though a heating process where resin is applied to wet ink.  The resin is then removed from all areas, except where it adheres to the wet ink. The paper is then heated causing the resin to melt and fuse to the ink.  (The reaction from combining resin, heat, and ink causes a bubbling action to take place, and then it's dried in that state, producing the raised effect.)  The material (or paper) is then cooled, which finalizes the process. Since there is less manual labor required than with engraving, thermography is a much more cost effective solution for raised printing than engraving. 

On thermographed invitations, the back of the invitation feels smooth, with no indentation from engraving plates, and thermography typically has more shine to the ink than engraving.

But, themography is to engraving as polyester is to wool, formica is to granite, or vinyl is to leather.  It's nearly impossible to replicate the quality of engraving, but it's close!

Example of themography printing

A thermography printing machine

courtesy of allgraphicdesign.com

Letterpress: A beautiful printing method dating back to the fifteenth century, but very popular today, where the images and typeface are actually pressed into the paper with an antique machine, leaving an impression that you can see and feel.  Letterpressing is the opposite of engraving (it's the cookie dough and the cookie cutter). Letterpress works especially well if you are using unusual paper, motifs, typeface, or colorful inks.

Letterpress die cuts

courtesy of Country Living

Embossing:  Embossing is the sister technique to engraving, but ink is NOT used and mirror-imaged dies are pressed into each other, leaving an indention on the back side.  Embossing uses what's termed a "male and female die [cut]," which is basically 2 plates that fit together that are mirror images of the design/text.  (I hope I don't need to explain this term any further...).  The paper is then impressed from the back side into the mirror-image die, pushing the paper into its cavities.  (Engraving is different from embossing since it uses a flat counter plate to press the paper into the die, leaving the back of the paper flat but the image on the front raised, with ink.)  You probably pass embossed items everyday without realizing that it's art! 

Embossed Save the Date

courtesy of picolo press

I know this isn't paper related, but I'm all googly-eyed over this embossed wall-paper. :)

courtesy of ApartmentTherapy.blogspot.com

Debossing: Debossing is literally the opposite of embossing and is very similar to letterpressing. The die is reversed so that the images are pressed into the surface's front, resulting in a depression (rather than a raised image as with embossing).  The impression is made on the back side, and ink is not used in this process either.

Dog tags are examples of debossing.

courtesy of dogtagsrus.com

Debossed invitation

(Notice - no ink! Or it would be considered letterpress.)

courtesy of cinnamon kiss papers

Foil Stamping: Foil stamping basically uses the same process as letterpressing and debossing, but a piece of foil (or other metallic sheet) is inserted in between the die and the paper.  The die is heated and pressed into the foil (and thus into the paper), and the foil is melted and transferred to the paper in the image of the die.  Foil stamping is used to create metallic looks, especially for accent designs, since most ink is considered flat and without sheen.  (You'll see a lot of this around the Holiday Season.)

Invitation with foil stamped accent graphic

Now you can call yourself a Printing Princess!

A Question & Answer Session....

Hooray!  I finally have a few questions from readers to answer - what a historic and monumental day!  A dear childhood friend of mine sent me a facebook message (oh, how I love Facebook, and I know I'm probably too old to admit that...) asking a few questions regarding addressing envelopes and wedding etiquette, so below you'll find my attempt at clearing up her confusion.

1.  How do you address a wedding invitation to an unmarried woman, her child (with a different last name), and her live-in boyfriend?

I have a super easy short-cut for this: ONLY married couples are listed on the same line when addressing an invitation (regardless of whether they share the same name or if the woman goes by her maiden name).  The only time that a boyfriend or girlfriend should be included by name on the envelope (instead of either person being invited with a guest) is if they live together but are NOT married.  (Keep in mind that this is a recent developement in etiquette, so there are probably plenty of people out there who disagree with me...bring it on!!!)  As always, the woman is listed first.  For instance, Ms. Good Manners is living with Mr. Gentle Man, so the invitation would be addressed as such:

Ms. Good Manners
Mr. Gentle Man
2222 House Street
Nowhere, Texas 75552

Children are always listed a line below their parents (or the adults), and don't forget about using the proper titles found in my previous post!  Here's an example:

Ms. Good Manners
Mr. Gentle Man
Miss Po Lite
2222 House Street
Nowhere, Texas 75552

Inner Envelope

Ms. Manners
Mr. Man
Miss Lite

Now, when siblings are invited, each child is listed on a separate line, the oldest listed first, such as:

Ms. Good Manners
Mr. Gentle Man
Miss Pretty Please
Miss Yes Please
2222 House Street
Nowhere, Texas 75552

Inner Envelope

Ms. Manners
Mr. Man
Miss Lite
Miss Please

2.  Do you write an invitee's guest's name if you know them?

This one is a bit controversial, but my opinion is no, you never write a person's guest's name, unless they are BOTH invited.  For instance, you invite your best friend to your wedding, and want to include her boyfriend (who would NOT be invited apart from your best friend, even though you know she'll bring him as her date), then you would address the outer invitation as such:

Miss Best Friend
2222 Best Street
Best, Texas 72222

Inner Envelope:

Miss Friend and Guest

Quick note:  When sending any social invitations (other than a wedding) with only an outer envelope, "& guest" appears after the invitee's name.  For example:

Miss Po Lite & Guest
2222 Po Street
Po, Texas 70000

If both guests are your friends (and both would be invited individually, regardless of whether they were dating), then send the invitation to both:

Miss Best Friend
Mr. Cute Guy
2222 Hot Street
Hot, Texas 72222

Inner Envelope

Miss Friend
Mr. Guy

3.  Is it correct to congratulate the bride and groom, or only the groom?

I've often heard the "congrats" vs. "best wishes" debate, so I thought I would try and find a reference to it from Emily Post or Letitia Baldridge but, suprisingly, I wasn't able to find any specific direction on the issue.  I was always told (and will continue thinking) that you should only "congratulate" the groom, and offer your "best wishes" to the bride.  It was thought that by congratulating the bride, you were implying that she was finally able to "snag" or "win" a husband.  You congratulate the groom on the bride's acceptance of his marriage proposal.   However, it's acceptable to say either when the couple is together. 

Hope this answers your questions, LO, and keep 'em coming! 

Replace THIS!

Imperial Blue by Mottahedeh

Golden Butterfly by Mottahedeh

Westchester Presidential by Lenox

(My china pattern, that I absolutely ADORE!!)

Kings by Royal Crown Derby

(This pattern was created in 1890!)

China Rose by Spode

Sacred Butterfly by Mottahedeh

So, you dropped your great-grandmother's porcelain cup and saucer directly on your kitchen floor last night that you borrowed from your mother (to whom you swore up and down that you would guard with your life) for that fabulous, snazzy dinner party last night.  Your breathing constricts and you have the sudden urge to just sit down next to the shattered pieces and just cry. 

Or, you discover that your beautiful Mottahedeh china service pattern that's kept under lock and key since your wedding day has been discontinued.  Insert choking sounds and wails that you dare your 2 year old to rival.

But have no fear!  Wonder website is here!  Friends, just consider this the "holy grail" of all things table.  You must check out http://www.replacements.com/, where they "Replace the Irreplaceable".  But, in my humble opinion, they're the ones that are irreplaceable!

Founded by Bob Page in 1981, Replacements, Ltd. (located in Greensboro, NC) has the world's largest selection of old & new dinnerware, including china, stoneware, crystal, glassware, silver, stainless, and collectibles. They have a 455,800 square foot facilities (the size of seven football fields!), which houses an incredible inventory of 13.5 million pieces in more than 300,000 patterns, some over 100 years old! They're constantly adding new patterns and inventory, and you can even sign up to have them send you alerts when your pattern becomes available.  (Not to mention that their customer service is top-notch.)

But I haven't even gotten to the best part yet!  For those watching their wallets, Replacements, Ltd. even sells gently used pieces at a SIGNIFICANT discount!  So now you can take that vacation to Fiji AND complete your set of Christofle silver!  AMAZING!

Hear hear!

Oh, that lovely feeling of standing up in front of a crowd, raising your glass, and delivering a witty and heartfelt speech about the person (or persons) of celebration.  I've often asked myself, while feeling sick to my stomach and praying that at least one person laughs at my joke, who ever invented this intensely pressurized tradition?

Well, I set out to solve this mystery and found the below explanation of its origins:

According to various apocryphal [yes, I had to look up this word too- meaning, doubtless of truth; uncanonical) stories, the custom of touching glasses evolved from concerns about poisoning. By one "mythical" account, clinking glasses together would cause each drink to spill over into the others.  According to other stories, the word 'toast' became associated with the custom in the 17th century, based on a custom of flavouring drinks with spiced toast. The word originally referred to the lady in whose honour the drink was proposed, her name being seen as figuratively flavouring the drink. The International Handbook on Alcohol and Culture says toasting "is probably a secular vestige of ancient sacrificial libations in which a sacred liquid was offered to the gods: blood or wine in exchange for a wish, a prayer summarized in the words ‘long life!’ or ‘to your health!’”

Delivering a toast to honor an individual or an event is a world-wide tradition:

Traditional Irish Toast:
May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

In the British Navy, the officers' noon mess typically began with the loyal toast, followed by a toast distinctive for the day of the week:

Monday: Our ships at sea.
Tuesday: Our men.
Wednesday: Ourselves. ("As no-one else is likely to concern themselves with our welfare," is often the retort and not part of the toast)
Thursday: A bloody war or a sickly season (meaning the desire and likelihood of being promoted when many people die: during war or sickness.)
Friday: A willing foe and sea room. (meaning the payment of prize money after a successful engagement)
Saturday: Sweethearts and wives. ("may they never meet," is often the retort and not part of the toast) [I like this one]
Sunday: Absent friends.

One last historical tidbit I found interesting: the phrase "hear hear," meaning a shout of acclamation or agreement that is often heard following a toast, originated in the British parliament in the 18th century as a contraction of 'hear him, hear him'.

Here are a few of my favorite toasting paraphanelia!  What's your favorite toast (or story)?
 

Baccarat Messena Crystal Champagne Flute

 

 William Yeoward Beatrice and Violet Champagne Flutes

William Yeoward "Isabella" Flutes

William Yeoward "Lally" Flutes

Waterford "Lismore" Toasting Flutes

Courtesy of Wikipedia.com and http://www.phrases.org.uk/