Hooray! I finally have a few questions from readers to answer - what a historic and monumental day! A dear childhood friend of mine sent me a facebook message (oh, how I love Facebook, and I know I'm probably too old to admit that...) asking a few questions regarding addressing envelopes and wedding etiquette, so below you'll find my attempt at clearing up her confusion.
1. How do you address a wedding invitation to an unmarried woman, her child (with a different last name), and her live-in boyfriend?
I have a super easy short-cut for this: ONLY married couples are listed on the same line when addressing an invitation (regardless of whether they share the same name or if the woman goes by her maiden name). The only time that a boyfriend or girlfriend should be included by name on the envelope (instead of either person being invited with a guest) is if they live together but are NOT married. (Keep in mind that this is a recent developement in etiquette, so there are probably plenty of people out there who disagree with me...bring it on!!!) As always, the woman is listed first. For instance, Ms. Good Manners is living with Mr. Gentle Man, so the invitation would be addressed as such:
Ms. Good Manners
Mr. Gentle Man
2222 House Street
Nowhere, Texas 75552
Children are always listed a line below their parents (or the adults), and don't forget about using the proper titles found in my previous post! Here's an example:
Ms. Good Manners
Mr. Gentle Man
Miss Po Lite
2222 House Street
Nowhere, Texas 75552
Inner Envelope
Ms. Manners
Mr. Man
Miss Lite
Now, when siblings are invited, each child is listed on a separate line, the oldest listed first, such as:
Ms. Good Manners
Mr. Gentle Man
Miss Pretty Please
Miss Yes Please
2222 House Street
Nowhere, Texas 75552
Inner Envelope
Ms. Manners
Mr. Man
Miss Lite
Miss Please
2. Do you write an invitee's guest's name if you know them?
This one is a bit controversial, but my opinion is no, you never write a person's guest's name, unless they are BOTH invited. For instance, you invite your best friend to your wedding, and want to include her boyfriend (who would NOT be invited apart from your best friend, even though you know she'll bring him as her date), then you would address the outer invitation as such:
Miss Best Friend
2222 Best Street
Best, Texas 72222
Inner Envelope:
Miss Friend and Guest
Quick note: When sending any social invitations (other than a wedding) with only an outer envelope, "& guest" appears after the invitee's name. For example:
Miss Po Lite & Guest
2222 Po Street
Po, Texas 70000
If both guests are your friends (and both would be invited individually, regardless of whether they were dating), then send the invitation to both:
Miss Best Friend
Mr. Cute Guy
2222 Hot Street
Hot, Texas 72222
Inner Envelope
Miss Friend
Mr. Guy
3. Is it correct to congratulate the bride and groom, or only the groom?
I've often heard the "congrats" vs. "best wishes" debate, so I thought I would try and find a reference to it from Emily Post or Letitia Baldridge but, suprisingly, I wasn't able to find any specific direction on the issue. I was always told (and will continue thinking) that you should only "congratulate" the groom, and offer your "best wishes" to the bride. It was thought that by congratulating the bride, you were implying that she was finally able to "snag" or "win" a husband. You congratulate the groom on the bride's acceptance of his marriage proposal. However, it's acceptable to say either when the couple is together.
Hope this answers your questions, LO, and keep 'em coming!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Replace THIS!
(My china pattern, that I absolutely ADORE!!)
(This pattern was created in 1890!)
So, you dropped your great-grandmother's porcelain cup and saucer directly on your kitchen floor last night that you borrowed from your mother (to whom you swore up and down that you would guard with your life) for that fabulous, snazzy dinner party last night. Your breathing constricts and you have the sudden urge to just sit down next to the shattered pieces and just cry.
Or, you discover that your beautiful Mottahedeh china service pattern that's kept under lock and key since your wedding day has been discontinued. Insert choking sounds and wails that you dare your 2 year old to rival.
But have no fear! Wonder website is here! Friends, just consider this the "holy grail" of all things table. You must check out http://www.replacements.com/, where they "Replace the Irreplaceable". But, in my humble opinion, they're the ones that are irreplaceable!
Founded by Bob Page in 1981, Replacements, Ltd. (located in Greensboro, NC) has the world's largest selection of old & new dinnerware, including china, stoneware, crystal, glassware, silver, stainless, and collectibles. They have a 455,800 square foot facilities (the size of seven football fields!), which houses an incredible inventory of 13.5 million pieces in more than 300,000 patterns, some over 100 years old! They're constantly adding new patterns and inventory, and you can even sign up to have them send you alerts when your pattern becomes available. (Not to mention that their customer service is top-notch.)
But I haven't even gotten to the best part yet! For those watching their wallets, Replacements, Ltd. even sells gently used pieces at a SIGNIFICANT discount! So now you can take that vacation to Fiji AND complete your set of Christofle silver! AMAZING!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Hear hear!
Oh, that lovely feeling of standing up in front of a crowd, raising your glass, and delivering a witty and heartfelt speech about the person (or persons) of celebration. I've often asked myself, while feeling sick to my stomach and praying that at least one person laughs at my joke, who ever invented this intensely pressurized tradition?
Well, I set out to solve this mystery and found the below explanation of its origins:
According to various apocryphal [yes, I had to look up this word too- meaning, doubtless of truth; uncanonical) stories, the custom of touching glasses evolved from concerns about poisoning. By one "mythical" account, clinking glasses together would cause each drink to spill over into the others. According to other stories, the word 'toast' became associated with the custom in the 17th century, based on a custom of flavouring drinks with spiced toast. The word originally referred to the lady in whose honour the drink was proposed, her name being seen as figuratively flavouring the drink. The International Handbook on Alcohol and Culture says toasting "is probably a secular vestige of ancient sacrificial libations in which a sacred liquid was offered to the gods: blood or wine in exchange for a wish, a prayer summarized in the words ‘long life!’ or ‘to your health!’”
Delivering a toast to honor an individual or an event is a world-wide tradition:
Traditional Irish Toast:
May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.
In the British Navy, the officers' noon mess typically began with the loyal toast, followed by a toast distinctive for the day of the week:
Monday: Our ships at sea.
Tuesday: Our men.
Wednesday: Ourselves. ("As no-one else is likely to concern themselves with our welfare," is often the retort and not part of the toast)
Thursday: A bloody war or a sickly season (meaning the desire and likelihood of being promoted when many people die: during war or sickness.)
Friday: A willing foe and sea room. (meaning the payment of prize money after a successful engagement)
Saturday: Sweethearts and wives. ("may they never meet," is often the retort and not part of the toast) [I like this one]
Sunday: Absent friends.
One last historical tidbit I found interesting: the phrase "hear hear," meaning a shout of acclamation or agreement that is often heard following a toast, originated in the British parliament in the 18th century as a contraction of 'hear him, hear him'.
Here are a few of my favorite toasting paraphanelia! What's your favorite toast (or story)?
.jpg)
Courtesy of Wikipedia.com and http://www.phrases.org.uk/
Well, I set out to solve this mystery and found the below explanation of its origins:
According to various apocryphal [yes, I had to look up this word too- meaning, doubtless of truth; uncanonical) stories, the custom of touching glasses evolved from concerns about poisoning. By one "mythical" account, clinking glasses together would cause each drink to spill over into the others. According to other stories, the word 'toast' became associated with the custom in the 17th century, based on a custom of flavouring drinks with spiced toast. The word originally referred to the lady in whose honour the drink was proposed, her name being seen as figuratively flavouring the drink. The International Handbook on Alcohol and Culture says toasting "is probably a secular vestige of ancient sacrificial libations in which a sacred liquid was offered to the gods: blood or wine in exchange for a wish, a prayer summarized in the words ‘long life!’ or ‘to your health!’”
Delivering a toast to honor an individual or an event is a world-wide tradition:
Traditional Irish Toast:
May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.
In the British Navy, the officers' noon mess typically began with the loyal toast, followed by a toast distinctive for the day of the week:
Monday: Our ships at sea.
Tuesday: Our men.
Wednesday: Ourselves. ("As no-one else is likely to concern themselves with our welfare," is often the retort and not part of the toast)
Thursday: A bloody war or a sickly season (meaning the desire and likelihood of being promoted when many people die: during war or sickness.)
Friday: A willing foe and sea room. (meaning the payment of prize money after a successful engagement)
Saturday: Sweethearts and wives. ("may they never meet," is often the retort and not part of the toast) [I like this one]
Sunday: Absent friends.
One last historical tidbit I found interesting: the phrase "hear hear," meaning a shout of acclamation or agreement that is often heard following a toast, originated in the British parliament in the 18th century as a contraction of 'hear him, hear him'.
Here are a few of my favorite toasting paraphanelia! What's your favorite toast (or story)?
.jpg)
Courtesy of Wikipedia.com and http://www.phrases.org.uk/
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
A Form of Address
Addressing letters and envelopes properly is never an easy task. There are Bishops, and Senators, and Secretaries, oh my! Not to mention judges and married spouses who both hold titles, and the list goes on and on!
One important tip to remember is that for married couples, a woman with a title (i.e. Senator Jane Doe) is ALWAYS listed first, regardless of whether her husband is titled as well. But notice in this case, the husband's full name is listed. In the event that the husband is the only person titled, his full name is listed first with his title, followed by his wife's last name. For instance:
The Honorable John Doe and Mrs. Doe
The Reverend Jane Doe and The Honorable John Doe
The Honorable Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe
Doctor Jane Doe and Doctor John Doe
Doctor John Doe and Mrs. Doe
The rules are slightly different if the woman goes by her maiden name. Her full name is listed instead of just her last name. Keep in mind that ladies who use their maiden name are ALWAYS referred to as "Ms.", even if they're married. For instance:
The Honorable John Doe and Ms. Jane Jones
Doctor Jane Jones and Mr. John Doe
The rules surrounding proper titles can get very specific (who knew that Archbishops in the Catholic Church are referred to differently as Bishops in the Methodist Church - another post about that or we could be here all day)! However, the most important rule to remember are terms such as "the Honorable" and "the Reverend" are adjectives to be used ONLY when addressing an envelope, and should thus not be used in a salutation. These terms describe the nature of one's position, not the position itself. For instance:
Envelope: The Honorable John Doe and Mrs. Doe
Salutation: Dear Senator John Doe and Mrs. Doe,
It is also acceptable to use first names in a salutation if you are well familiarized with the individuals. But, if using first names in a salutation, the woman's name ALWAYS goes first. The idea is to never separate the man's first name from his last name when addressing both informally. For instance:
Envelope: The Honorable John Doe and Mrs. Doe
Salutation: Dear Jane and Joe,
Here are a few famous couples who are examples of the above guidelines:
Hope you find this helpful and have a happy Wednesday!
One important tip to remember is that for married couples, a woman with a title (i.e. Senator Jane Doe) is ALWAYS listed first, regardless of whether her husband is titled as well. But notice in this case, the husband's full name is listed. In the event that the husband is the only person titled, his full name is listed first with his title, followed by his wife's last name. For instance:
The Honorable John Doe and Mrs. Doe
The Reverend Jane Doe and The Honorable John Doe
The Honorable Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe
Doctor Jane Doe and Doctor John Doe
Doctor John Doe and Mrs. Doe
The rules are slightly different if the woman goes by her maiden name. Her full name is listed instead of just her last name. Keep in mind that ladies who use their maiden name are ALWAYS referred to as "Ms.", even if they're married. For instance:
The Honorable John Doe and Ms. Jane Jones
Doctor Jane Jones and Mr. John Doe
The rules surrounding proper titles can get very specific (who knew that Archbishops in the Catholic Church are referred to differently as Bishops in the Methodist Church - another post about that or we could be here all day)! However, the most important rule to remember are terms such as "the Honorable" and "the Reverend" are adjectives to be used ONLY when addressing an envelope, and should thus not be used in a salutation. These terms describe the nature of one's position, not the position itself. For instance:
Envelope: The Honorable John Doe and Mrs. Doe
Salutation: Dear Senator John Doe and Mrs. Doe,
It is also acceptable to use first names in a salutation if you are well familiarized with the individuals. But, if using first names in a salutation, the woman's name ALWAYS goes first. The idea is to never separate the man's first name from his last name when addressing both informally. For instance:
Envelope: The Honorable John Doe and Mrs. Doe
Salutation: Dear Jane and Joe,
Here are a few famous couples who are examples of the above guidelines:
The Honorable Hilary Clinton and The Honorable Bill Clinton
Salutation: Senator Hilary Clinton and President Bill Clinton
The Honorable Elaine Chao and The Honorable Mitch McConnell
(former Secretary of Labor and current Senate Minority Leader from Kentucky)
Salutation: Secretary Elaine Chao and Senator Mitch McConnell
Monday, May 17, 2010
Gee, Thanks!
In this age of electronic everything, a hand-written thank you note is an absolute must for a kind gesture. There are few things that express gratitude better than a well-written note, especially one with a personal quality to it. It amazes me, however, how many nuances are associated with this little social necessity. A few items to remember below when writing proper thank you notes:
Never use a notecard decorated with "thank you's" or "thanks". If it already says it, what's the point of writing a personal note? A simple, plain card with your initials, or other decorative items, is more appropriate. Here are a few of my favorite correspondence cards:
Silver Bordered Pearl White Correspondence Cards, Crane & Co.
Initial and Name Personal Correspondence Cards, Crane & Co.
Fine Script Personalized Stationery, Suitor
Never use a notecard decorated with "thank you's" or "thanks". If it already says it, what's the point of writing a personal note? A simple, plain card with your initials, or other decorative items, is more appropriate. Here are a few of my favorite correspondence cards:
Silver Bordered Pearl White Correspondence Cards, Crane & Co.
Initial and Name Personal Correspondence Cards, Crane & Co.
Fine Script Personalized Stationery, Suitor
Coral Reef Folded Notecard, Elum
Don't just say thanks, express it! Tell the person how much you appreciate their gesture and why. Make them feel as though their time, money, and other resources were well spent and that you're grateful for it! Nothing is worse than receiving something in the mail that barely acknowledges that a gift that was selected just for that specific person, drug through the airport, haggled over with security (no, Mr. TSA officer, it's not liquid, it's lip gloss!), delicately placed in an overhead bin, and then happily delivered to the intended recipient. BE GRATEFUL!
Pay attention to who gave the gift. If it was given by a couple, be sure both couples are addressed in the salutation line, and the envelope addressed to both as well. If you know someone gave you a gift, but you can't remember which gift it was (this happens quite often to brides...heaven help us if we don't write it down), NEVER GUESS! Just write something along the lines of, "I am so grateful for your kind gift and that you remembered me during this special time (on my birthday), etc." It much better to be vague than wrong.
If the gift was given to you along, just sign your name. If the gift was given to you as a couple, be sure to close the note with both names. Be sure that you correspond the "thank you" language to match from whom the note is written, i.e. if it's from a couple, use "we" and "our". If it's from just you, use "I" and "me".
Here's an example of a great thank you note:
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Great Gift,
Words can't express our sincerest gratitude for the beautiful silver pitcher. What a lovely gift, one that we'll cherish for many years to come. We are so appreciative of your kindess during this special time, and thank you again for your support of our upcoming marriage.
Sincerely,
Jane and John Doe
What's your favorite thank you note language? Have a great week!
Friday, May 14, 2010
Please Mr. Postman....
Is there anything more exciting than reaching into your mailbox and discovering, amidst all of the grocery store coupons and Pottery Barn magazines, an unexpected, hand-written envelope, adorned with beautiful flourishes, elegant calligraphy, and a custom stamp (that's actually lined up with the corners of the envelope instead of being thrown on there by an octopus)? No, I don't think so....
There's something to be said for hand-written invitations and letters in this day of evites and email. It conjures up images of long-lost romantic notions of sitting down and actually writing (yes, writing, as in cursive and print). But then, the panic sets in: is the recipient Miss or Ms.? Are they still in the military or retired? So, here are a few tips that might help you impress:
Miss - for social items (invitations, personal correspondence, etc.), refers to a girl who is
unmarried, but not over the age of 30. For professional and business related items, Ms. should be used.
Ms. - for all the single ladies (put your hands up!!) over the age of 30, and women who are divorced. Ms. is also most appropriate if you're unsure of someone's marital status, and it's always appropriate in professional environments.
Mrs. - for married ladies or widows.
Master - for young boys under the age of 15.
Mr. - for gentleman aged 15 and older.
Doctor - using the abbreviation Dr. is NEVER correct when addressing an envelope. It should always be spelled out. Doctor should also only be used for persons with an M.D. (medical degree). PhD's are not referred to as Doctors, unless the person specifically requests to be listed as such.
Military - this one can be tricky. All military titles should be spelled out for ALL active duty (including National Guard) military personnel (i.e. Capital, Lieutenant Major, Corporal), followed by the branch of military service. For example, the following is a correct example:
Captain John Doe, USAF (or USA for Army, USCG for Coast Guard, USN for Navy, and USMC for Marine Corps)
If someone has retired from a career in the military, they maintain their rank and the above rule is followed. However, dishonorable discharge and those who spent a short time in the military should not receive retired status. For example, a retired Air Force captain would be addressed as follows:
Captain John Doe, USAF (retired)
So many possible titles in so many areas of life (i.e. clergy, judges, etc.), so little time…more to come! What question do you have about proper titles? Have a happy Saturday!
Ms. - for all the single ladies (put your hands up!!) over the age of 30, and women who are divorced. Ms. is also most appropriate if you're unsure of someone's marital status, and it's always appropriate in professional environments.
Mrs. - for married ladies or widows.
Master - for young boys under the age of 15.
Mr. - for gentleman aged 15 and older.
Doctor - using the abbreviation Dr. is NEVER correct when addressing an envelope. It should always be spelled out. Doctor should also only be used for persons with an M.D. (medical degree). PhD's are not referred to as Doctors, unless the person specifically requests to be listed as such.
Military - this one can be tricky. All military titles should be spelled out for ALL active duty (including National Guard) military personnel (i.e. Capital, Lieutenant Major, Corporal), followed by the branch of military service. For example, the following is a correct example:
Captain John Doe, USAF (or USA for Army, USCG for Coast Guard, USN for Navy, and USMC for Marine Corps)
If someone has retired from a career in the military, they maintain their rank and the above rule is followed. However, dishonorable discharge and those who spent a short time in the military should not receive retired status. For example, a retired Air Force captain would be addressed as follows:
Captain John Doe, USAF (retired)
So many possible titles in so many areas of life (i.e. clergy, judges, etc.), so little time…more to come! What question do you have about proper titles? Have a happy Saturday!
Eureka!
I'm very excited to announce this as my very first blog entry EVER! I must admit that I tend to be on the late side of adopting the newest technological trend (for example, when my mother explained to me last May that I was the LAST person on this planet to get text messaging and it was just no longer acceptable to be without it). Nevertheless, I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to this new beginning as an etiquette and social blogger!
The purpose of this site is to serve as a pathway to that moment where you're standing in your kitchen, the heavens open up, and you shout, "Eureka! By George, it's a fish fork, not a back scratcher!"
After leaving the White House in January 2009, I don't think I truly comprehended how MUCH I learned about the art of etiquette. And, to be clear, it is truly a learned ART, one that takes practice, study, and implementation. I think a good place to start is with a simple definition (as defined by Dictionary.com) of etiquette:
et·i·quette [et-i-kit, -ket] –noun
1.conventional requirements as to social behavior; proprieties of conduct as established in any class or community or for any occasion.
2.a prescribed or accepted code of usage in matters of ceremony, as at a court or in official or other formal observances.
3.the code of ethical behavior regarding professional practice or action among the members of a profession in their dealings with each other.
After numerous phone calls from friends and family with questions like, "how much is appropriate to tip vendors?" and "should the woman's name or the man's name be listed first in written correspondence?", I thought, Hmmmm....maybe I've got something to offer here.
I've come to realize how many people keep trying to uncover these "conventional requirements" and "codes" only to find that the more they research, the more exceptions to every rule are found (and good grief, there are a lot of rules!!!). I think by answering the most basic etiquette questions, such as how to address an envelope, what's the correct salutation for a letter, what is an escort card and when is it used, on which side of the plate is the knife placed, etc., we can shed some light on the history and culture of humanity itself.
I hope to provide you, dear reader, with functional tips for the social questioner, as well as a forum for discussion and inquiry (if I don't know the answer, I'll pull something out of my "polite pocket" and figure it out)!
And remember, the purpose of good etiquette and manners is to make other people feel comfortable, secure, and just plain loved (don't you just LOVE people who make you feel that way?!?!).
Stay tuned and thanks for reading!
The purpose of this site is to serve as a pathway to that moment where you're standing in your kitchen, the heavens open up, and you shout, "Eureka! By George, it's a fish fork, not a back scratcher!"
After leaving the White House in January 2009, I don't think I truly comprehended how MUCH I learned about the art of etiquette. And, to be clear, it is truly a learned ART, one that takes practice, study, and implementation. I think a good place to start is with a simple definition (as defined by Dictionary.com) of etiquette:
et·i·quette [et-i-kit, -ket] –noun
1.conventional requirements as to social behavior; proprieties of conduct as established in any class or community or for any occasion.
2.a prescribed or accepted code of usage in matters of ceremony, as at a court or in official or other formal observances.
3.the code of ethical behavior regarding professional practice or action among the members of a profession in their dealings with each other.
After numerous phone calls from friends and family with questions like, "how much is appropriate to tip vendors?" and "should the woman's name or the man's name be listed first in written correspondence?", I thought, Hmmmm....maybe I've got something to offer here.
I've come to realize how many people keep trying to uncover these "conventional requirements" and "codes" only to find that the more they research, the more exceptions to every rule are found (and good grief, there are a lot of rules!!!). I think by answering the most basic etiquette questions, such as how to address an envelope, what's the correct salutation for a letter, what is an escort card and when is it used, on which side of the plate is the knife placed, etc., we can shed some light on the history and culture of humanity itself.
I hope to provide you, dear reader, with functional tips for the social questioner, as well as a forum for discussion and inquiry (if I don't know the answer, I'll pull something out of my "polite pocket" and figure it out)!
And remember, the purpose of good etiquette and manners is to make other people feel comfortable, secure, and just plain loved (don't you just LOVE people who make you feel that way?!?!).
Stay tuned and thanks for reading!
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